How to Integrate Learning-Based Change: A Thanksgiving Confession
Last year, our first in France, we decided to make a full-on Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings.
This decision was based, at least in part, on the belief that if we produced the exact Thanksgiving meal we would be missing back home, it would mitigate inevitable impending feelings of homesickness.
To that I now say…Hahahaha!
I laugh because of course, homesickness doesn’t work that way. It sneaks up on you in the night, at the most unexpected times. But I digress.
We just about killed ourselves making an exact replica of Thanksgivings past, which in my family involves homemade spicy Italian stuffing with pine nuts, a classic green bean salad from Cooks Illustrated, all the potato things, and Julia Child’s pecan pie. Some ingredients are hard to find in France, so advanced planning was necessary.
We toiled for hours over the hot stove. Tears were shed as, at one point, the turkey overflowed the pan with what I felt were unreasonably excessive drippings. These tipped into the oven, causing thick smoke to fill the kitchen. I was stressed and didn’t plan ahead sufficiently. But in the end, it was a good meal. A great one in fact.
And it was gone in 30 minutes.
My bewildered French in-laws ate a small plate each and demurred on seconds - très French. Afterward, I felt…strangely empty. My heart was heavy. Our dinner was over and my family back home were only just waking up and beginning to cook.
And I realized…I was homesick. My grand plan of avoiding those pesky feelings totally backfired. And I almost killed myself in the process.
Where did I go wrong?
Reflecting on My Mistakes
About two days after Thanksgiving, I went for a walk. I think I cried - never the most dignified look while walking. Then I went home and wrote a list of what to do differently next year. I used Boomerang for Gmail to send it to myself in the future (it’s genius, highly recommend).
A couple of weeks ago, I received that email from my past self. The subject line read: "RE: From the Ghost of Thanksgiving Past.” My instructions included nuggets such as “make the pie the day before” and “don’t buy a 17lb turkey”. And my personal favorite: “to avoid a spiral of misery, read a book or relax after dinner rather than doom scrolling on Facebook.” Touché, past self.
My parent’s beautiful home in Sequim, Washington
Dungeness Spit, a favorite Thanksgiving Day walk!
So how does this sad story apply to business?
Here’s the thing. In many ways, running a small business is a lot like creating a happy life. Being humble, learning from our mistakes, communication and mindfulness are key. I’m the first to admit that sometimes I care too much. Sometimes my feelings get involved or I take things personally.
Then I have to remember…I’m a student in this world, and always will be. What can I learn? My past self knew to look for that learning; craved it in fact. To actively learn is to move forward out of fear and into a more self-aware place - if we have the courage to do it.
But the place where I really want to congratulate my past self is the act of integrating that learning and making it a new practice. By sending the email to myself in the future, I was not just acknowledging the learning, but acting upon it.
How to integrate learning into your business…and act on it.
As a small, service-based business helping other small, service-based businesses, I often witness the challenges of taking these learning experiences and then making them a standard part of business processes going forward. Whether it’s a problem with a client, an employee dispute or any other piece of learning that occurs, how do you actively integrate that learning into everyday practice?
Here are some suggestions:
If don’t already have one, set up a system for recording your lessons learned. If you don’t write it down, it didn’t happen! Do a brain dump of the learning experiences you've had over the past year.
Now look at your list. Highlight or circle the learning that is reference-based: things to look back on and remember. These might be emotional or personal lessons.
Next, underline the actionable learning. Which items require true action that you can set in place today? Separating reference from action is key to identifying what you need to do.
For the reference items, find a spot to write these down. It could be a journal, a word document or wherever else makes sense. Then, set a reminder to yourself to look at it once a month and add to the list.
Next, look at your action list. For lessons learned around a client experience, make sure your current contract is up to date and includes transparency and protection so that it doesn’t happen again.
For learning around an employee or contractor experience, make sure those contracts reflect the expectations for the job based on the learning so that new employees are aware of all parameters involved in performing their job.
Like so many things, I have found that consistent practice is what allows us to build a habit. There is no exact playbook for learning - and I’m grateful for that. It’s all about the journey!
Happy learning!
